Sprung!

Being on location with the Grey’s cast & crew this Monday was stellar! It was a unique experience for everyone involved as they generally tend to film on set in the Studio. The cast and crew treated each other with respect and I got an immediate sense of camaraderie; one that they extended to me.

My mom told me the night after my shoot that I “shouldn’t pop the champagne so quickly”. I a) wanted to find out where the heck she learned that phrase, and b) leveled with her by holding on to my joy. 

I know this is the beginning of more work, and harder in many different ways but I firmly believe in celebrating every single victory, big or small. Co-star or Series regular. In college, a close friend asked me if I would prefer to enjoy the journey or the destination. Truthfully, I thought it was a trick question like “What’s your five year plan?” Now after actually living more life, I better understand the person that I am and my preference to trust enough to nurture what I love through thoughtful attention & hard work yet relish with gratitude at the simple opportunities and experiences we have before us every. single. day. And that I’m unwilling to sacrifice the gratitude to/in fear that I’ll jinx what I don’t yet have or can achieve. Part of that ease in allowing stems from the fact that all my equity is tied up in you guys, in people. I know what it’s like to have more financially, and be professionally recognized. I know what it feels like when people fuss over your position and connections but how it makes no difference to me because I know my ties are vibrant and real no matter what stage we’re at. Because I get ‘you’. The real ‘you’. The you that isn’t a product of results, filtered by obligation or potential gain. I get to support the risks you all take in your daily lives and careers. I get to celebrate your successes and remind you why you mean so much to me, and to stay the course truest to you. It’s how you view the world, what perspectives you share, how you hold space for people in your life, how you choose kindness and compassion amidst hardship. As I know myself better, I find I polarize people, who do not or do not want to know themselves, quickly. I’ve been truly fortunate to organically build my community in LA despite bouts of profound loneliness. (I know! Even though my family’s all here and it’s my home town!) Whatever illusion I had that I could do it on my own has been shattered, beautifully so.

I’m not sure what this little dude actually is…Mayhaps, a weed? haha, no matter. I love his ability to grow where he’s at with or without being directly nourished! He was chilling in the middle of the staircase until some gardener yanked him out! :/ He gave me great joy every night I came home from my survival job tired.

“You could do anything you want to in the world, and you’re doing what you love. You’ve made it,” claimed my friend from college, who I haven’t seen or spoken to in years. He showed up to my survival job a couple of weeks ago like a mirage. I countered, “I’m trying.” Not letting me downplay or dodge it, he said, ”No, you made it.” This is coming from the guy, who was a big player at CAA but left to pursue his dreams and now helps a world famous band with their investment ventures all over the world? Really? Logically, I feel like I’m still at the beginning of my ascent, but upon reflection? Progress. No matter how incremental thus all victories are victories.

A scene from my play, Born To Lead! That face kind of says it all, right? What a joy to do what I love!

People are constantly telling me how brave I am and when I feel overwhelmed by their kindness or under pressure to live up to expectations, I take a deep breath and separate the purpose and self from the ego and fear. I remember that the light I shine is a reflection of the greater whole, the people in my life: you. That I hold on to something greater than myself, ‘All That/Who Is’, which lights the dark spaces within. Being in pursuit of what you love with the people you love? I guess I have made it.